Hey beautiful friend,
Today I’m sitting here with a cup of matcha, looking out over our acres, and I want to talk about something real. Something I’ve been quietly thinking about for a long time.
In this post, I’m opening my heart about the load we carry as moms and wives that no one sees… even when we’re living the soul-full life we always dreamed of. I’ll also share how I spent over 10 years focused only on my kids and home while quietly ignoring my own mind, body, and soul… and how I’m finally learning to care for myself in a whole new way now that I’m in midlife.
Here’s what we’ll walk through together:
• How the beauty of staying home with our kids and tending our homes can still come with a heavy, unseen weight.
• How I ignored myself for over a decade, and what’s changing for me now as I think about my future self, my marriage, and being the best mom I can be before my kids grow up and go out on their own.
If you’ve ever felt both grateful and completely worn out at the same time… You’re in the right place.
I really never thought about being a “stay-at-home mom” raising four kids on a piece of land. I just knew I wanted to be a mom more than anything. I just knew I wanted to raise them differently than the way I was raised…more in nature, and out of the busy city. So when my husband and I chose this life together, it felt like the answer to every quiet prayer I had. We wanted slower mornings, kids who played outside in nature all day, and of course home-cooked meals on the table.
And in so many ways, we got and still have that beautiful life.
Caring for and watching the chickens wandering through the garden. The kids weeding our kitchen garden with me and harvesting whatever was in season. I loved watching our kids come home from school and head straight outside. These moments filled my heart in ways I can’t even explain.
But there’s another side I don’t always show.
It’s the “invisible load”. The unseen. What we as mothers carry everyday.
It’s the never-ending list in my head: the content noticing, remembering appointments, packing snacks and lunches, noticing when someone’s quiet and needs something, keeping the house running smoothly so everyone feels safe, loved, and seen. It’s worrying about the picky eater, the anxious teen, the one who’s struggling in school…all while trying to make sure my husband comes home to a peaceful place after his long day at work.
Even on these peaceful acres, that load can feel heavy. The garden still needs weeding when I’m exhausted. The laundry piles up. The bathrooms need to be cleaned. The sheets need to be washed. The emotional temperature of the whole family somehow lands on my heart every single day.
And for over 10 years, I poured every bit of myself into my children and their well-being. I made sure they had what they needed … emotionally & physically. I did and still do the very best I can. I cheered at their games, helped with school projects, stayed up late talking through their worries. I gave and still give them my all.
But while they were younger, I completely ignored my own mind, body, and soul.
I stopped moving my body just for me. I pushed down my own feelings to keep the peace. I barely had time to sit with God or even ask myself, “How am I really doing?” My own needs always came last. I told myself that was just what good moms do. Keep going.
Now I’m in midlife, and everything is changing. Everything. My body, my mind, and my soul.
My body feels different. My energy isn’t what it used to be. My hormones are shifting. My thoughts are different, there is more wisdom now. Some days I look in the mirror and don’t quite recognize the woman staring back. Now, for the first time, I’m learning to care about my future self … the woman I want to become in the years ahead.
I want to feel strong in my body again. I want a deeper connection with my husband… not just as co-parents, but as two people who still look at each other with love and passion. I want to pour into my marriage before the house gets quieter and the kids start leaving one by one.
At the same time, I still want to be the best mom I can be to my teenagers and young adults. I want to give them my presence and my love without losing myself in the process. I want them to see a mom who takes care of her own heart, mind-body, and soul so they learn it’s okay for them to do the same.
It all feels like it’s a constant weight, but it’s flowing more naturally now that I’m paying attention.
Here’s what’s helping me right now… simple things I’m doing in the middle of real, everyday life:
• I finally started saying the load out loud instead of pretending it’s not there. A quick text to a friend or a honest conversation with my husband makes the weight feel lighter.
• I’m making time just for me… even if it’s only ten minutes on the porch with my journal or a short walk around the acres.
• I’m asking for help in small ways. Not “do everything,” but “can you handle dinner tonight?” Little breaks that let me breathe.
• I’m giving myself permission to let things be “good enough.” The house doesn’t have to be perfect. Grace feels so much better than all the pressure.
• Most of all, I’m coming back to prayer in a real way… not pretty prayers, but honest ones: “God, this load is heavy today. Help me carry what’s mine and let go of the rest.”
One thing is for sure, the life we’re building here on the acres is still the one I would choose again in a heartbeat. The laughter, the muddy boots in the garage, the frogs brought into the house with excitement, the way our family gathers… it’s all beautiful.
But the invisible load is real too. And ignoring ourselves for years while we pour everything into our kids? That’s real as well.
If you’re in the thick of it right now… whether you have little ones or teenagers… I want you to know you’re not alone, and you’re not failing. You’re doing sacred, unseen work. It’s okay if it feels hard. It’s okay if you’re tired.
You can love your family hard and still choose to care for your own mind, body, and soul. Your future self and your marriage will thank you. And your kids will learn from watching you do both.
I’m learning this right alongside you, one gentle day at a time.
With so much love from our little corner of the acres, From my heart to yours, Stacey
