The moment of “just enough”

Our Mother hearts are all connected.

I can’t help but think about the women who are in the same phase of life as I am in right now… to my soul sisters, my friends, the moms at pickup, the moms I see walking their dogs after school drop-off, just like me, listening to a podcast. This is our season of life, the one where we can’t help but think about what’s next, after all these years being a stay at home mamma…what’s next?! For myself, I’ve been in a season of trying to “figure things out”, trying to find a “purpose” to find my sense of identity again. I remember so clearly telling my co-workers at the time; whom I really adored and enjoyed being with ” I’m only going to take a break”, “I’ll be back in a few years”, “We will stay in touch… well, you know what they say “don’t blink”…that break is going on 15 years. 🙁

Little did I think when I decided to stay home with my babies at the time, I would essentially be giving up my identity, and the career I once had.  Now, after completing our family, I am blessed to be raising 4 awesome teenagers, ages 14-18.   Looking back, so much has changed. I am not the same person I was 15 years ago. Our kids have been in school for awhile now, and this little voice in my head can still get pretty loud at times. I find myself still thinking “what’s next, and now thinking” what does the rest of my life look like”, “what will I do when they all graduate from high school”, “will I ever have a career again”, “what the heck would a career even look like for me right now”?! “Who the heck am I”? ” Do I even see myself working in special education again”?  All the struggles, the studying, the anxieties,  all the limiting beliefs, the doubts, all the perseverance, all my strength. I gave it all up when I took a break from my career. It’s so easy to get caught up in the cycle of thoughts about our future, and about the what if’s. I’m certain that our mama hearts have, or will eventually feel this way along our journey of motherhood.

I had fallen out of my Yoga practice a bit, and it wasn’t until I rolled out my mat consistently, my “what if ” thoughts start to shift. While I had fallen out of my own practice I also had forgotten Sutra 1.2: which stats… Yoga is the stilling of the mind, it is a mind practice. When we practice every day, we get to know our inner self, we get to know our mind, and through this awareness, and quieting our mind, we come to know our “true essence”.

Discovering your true essence is when you realize who you truly are NOT who you want to be but, we have to find stillness. We cannot, and will not be able to discover ourselves until we take the time to be still. When we are in our “true essence” it makes us feel joyful, light, and content with who we are. There is a deep sense of fulfillment in what we are accomplishing right now in this present moment, and mostly importantly a deep sense of contentment in who you are in this moment, today!

As I continue to sit in silence, and in prayer every day, my thoughts have shifted so much. My thoughts have shifted to “what if  raising these children was and will forever be my career”? That raising them to be happy, healthy, productive, adults is one of the most important jobs we can focus on. I have NO idea what my future holds, and I don’t know “what’s next” but that is perfectly okay... because when I am aware and in the present moment, it is more than ENOUGH. My “purpose” is to be right here, right now, and to be content in this present moment. 

Making the choice to stay home, and become my childrens’ number one person in their lives, was, and still is the best career choice I have made. I am beyond grateful for being able to have made this choice for our family. I was able to spend years upon years with my babies, and I know so many moms would have given anything to have had that choice. I know I was lucky. I AM LUCKY! I am incredibility grateful, I am blessed, and I have to much gratitude to where this life has led me. Although I could not have imagined it would turn out this way when I first became a mom 18 years ago, I am now a mom of four happy, healthy, amazing teens. This career as a stay-at-home mamma is a worthy one! I am so proud of what I have accomplished this far, and I no longer feel the need to explain or excuse why I don’t work outside the home, because what I did, and am currently doing is so much more than ENOUGH! It has been life changing in so many ways, and continues to be.

Now without a doubt I wholeheartedly accept my role as a stay-at-home mama, and I am so very grateful to GOD for the blessing of being here, right now, in this present moment. I have the most amazing career,  No college degree can compare. My “real” work started when I decided to stay home full time with my kids.

My job description continues to write itself, as a stay-at-home mom! Right here, right now… I am right where I’m meant to be.

Sending you Love & Light, From my heart to yours, Stacey